k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
