The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
