true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
