I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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