She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
