he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
