STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
