dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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