yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
