1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
