I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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