Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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