I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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