Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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