He asked me if I "almost moaned"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
