OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
