I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize