I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
