Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
