Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
