You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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