What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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