apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
