Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize