Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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