I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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