only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
