no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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