Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
