I bet he comes in French.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
