There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
