i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
