he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
