I'm really into asian looking animals
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
