fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize