God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
