kristin has been a bad kristin
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
