1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
