I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
