happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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