i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
