i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
