Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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