so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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