so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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