Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize