she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
