Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
bring money and cleavage
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
