So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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