haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
