You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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