saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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