you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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