I can tuck mytits in my pants
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
