I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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