Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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