Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
