im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
