I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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