dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
