Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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