idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
