I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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