I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
