I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
