You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
