3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
