I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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